lizzy

which came first

the return to tumblr or the first panic attack in over 5 years

I miss this space of Tumblr and how I “therapeutically” used it so often growing up. It was a not-so-private diary, just secluded enough to feel comfortable writing a near stream of consciousness, but just public enough to know maybe someone, somewhere gave it a read, and maybe it resonated, and maybe someone would throw me a heart or a comment - it was always just enough.

I realized recently that the notes on my phone are full of random rambles that for one reason or another, I want to hold on and immortalize a little bit outside the space of my own private journaling. Between sporadic grocery lists and reminders live many paragraphs that desperately cling on to little feelings in my life that I don’t want to forget about. I think the way I - and so many of us - used to use Tumblr (and maybe still do?? Haven’t been here in a long minute!!) maybe influenced these types of romanticized mumblings.

I don’t know what the point of this was! But maybe I’ll start being active here a little more, no one. Because in the phases of social media and cellphone addictions in my life, this one always had the most heart to it, for some reason.

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https://www.instagram.com/laurenliess

(Source: oldfarmhouse)

Skinny Double Chocolate Banana Muffins

I’m way sensitive to baked goods that taste too “healthy” and I often thing it’s not worth it, but THESE. so chocolatey and delicious and PMS-approved all while being high fiber, fairly low calorie, and full of good things

(Source: ambitiouskitchen.com)

I got my first tattoo yesterday. swollen as hek but man I adore it!!!

is anyone else in the same boat as me on this:

whether or not I’m eating healthy is a purely black-and-white scenario in my mind. I’m either “fuck it, let’s get in n out for lunch and pizza with beer for dinner and then ice cream” or I’m full-blown calorie counting and eating ridiculously healthy and want to stay perfectly on budget in terms of my caloric quota…

…so, in times like now, when I’m in the midst of trying to lose weight, a situation can happen where I am forced to give up a little bit of control and it is so hard to tell myself that balance is okay. Right now, I’m working my job as a food photographer and stylist and eating the spoils for lunch - turkey chili with avocado and white cheddar on top and quinoa on the side. Totally not an unhealthy choice by any means, but I do not have the calorie count, I don’t have an exact number of ounces of cheese on this bowl of chili, and my brain is FREAKING OUT about it.

How ironic is that, though? Just two weeks ago I was eating terribly and didn’t care or think about calorie intake at all. And now somehow my brain is finding everything wrong with this totally reasonably healthy lunch because I’m in “trying” mode and any lapse of total exact control is means for a mental battle.

It’s weird. Brains can be super dumb. I envy those who have a totally normal and intuitive relationship with food!!!